LUCK...OR FATE

Death is just so natural.

When we are born, no one knows if we will be rich or poor, where we will end up living our lives and what occupation we'll follow. What we all do know for certain is that one day we will die.

Jake was a guy who seemed to live his life as that of the proverbial cat with nine lives. From the get-go this little guy faces his difficulties.

At the age of 5 weeks old, Jake was admitted to the hospital with a dual diagnosis. He was failing to thrive which meant he was malnourshed. He was the only one of my four children who was breast fed and he did seem satisfied when he nursed, but he was soon unsatisfied, never crying loudly but rather mewing and wimpering and he also had a hernia. So he stayed there a couple of weeks, with IV feedings and hernia repair surgery. Would he pull through? We were cautious as back in 1970 not as much was known and a tiny baby being put to sleep through anesthesia was risky. He weighed less than 6 pounds while sick. He survived and he thrived.

From birth he caused much concern for our pediatrician who felt his head was enlarged suggesting water on his brain, and he had to be measured weekly for several months and endured MRI's and Scans to determine the cause of his too large head but not being able to pinpoint the cause, we were told that he would likely just grow into his head size. He did, but always had a head a little larger than most and as an adolescent and adult good naturedly accepted more than a fair share of teasing and being sometimes made fun of. Some people would not have been able to withstand these feelings but he shrugged them off and smiled and never let himself get into a pity party. He overcame.

At about age 5 he nearly drowned. My fault and another guilt I have wrestled with until I learned to let go of the guilt and could understand that God would carry that for me. My sister-in-law and I had gone to the Elks Club swimming pool with all our children which numbered probably seven or so and of course in that day I drank as did she and we were sitting beside the pool enjoying a bloody mary and depending on the larger kids to watch the smaller ones when the comotion broke out when my lifeless baby was pulled from the pool and given CPR by the lifeguards. He was taken to the hospital and was fine but another example of him making it through what seemed an inevitable early death.

No more than a year passed when he tried to move an open bucket of paint only to stumble and overturn the entire gallon all over himself. Cobalt Blue enamel! His little head had to be shaved and he had the enamel paint in his ears, eyes, nose and mouth. He again was taken to the hospital and the paint was cleaned off and out but in thinking about it now, I can certainly see how it could have ended very differently.

Jake came to live with us in northern California when he was 19 years old. My then husband and I were caretakers of a privately owned duck hunting club and he wanted to see California and wanted another chance to live with his mama. He began to make friends and most of them were into smoking weed and doing other drugs and using alcohol. An event occurred during a fourth of July gathering of family and friends and he obviously was under the influence of "something" because he became beligerent towards his step-father and he was hit by my husband also under the influence of alcohol and fell to the concrete below. He suffered a close head injury and was operated on for the damage caused by the blow and it was discovered at that time that he had a congenital Dandy Walker Cyst, the culprit from which his head grew faster as a baby. We had never been aware of this cyst. More guilt. Shame. Regret. Jake was implanted with shunts from the brain stem which naturally kept the fluids drained and he had a long recovery. We were told that he might well have no more than ten years of survival. He lived twenty more! He did more than recover. He became everyone's champion and hero. Shortly after his initial recovery he went back to Louisiana and lived with his Daddy. Both of them came to know Christ during this recovery period from his brain surgery. Jake was a different person. A new man.

Probably 15 years later, Jake was with friends from Home Depot and at a place he shouldn't have been just for the plain fact that it was a spot where trouble was likely. He was playing pool and a scuffle broke out and he ended up being badly beat with a pool stick. He had been visiting these friends in New Orleans and was rushed back home to seek medical attention and recovered totally. A near brush.

Jake's vision was never very good after his head surgery and his hand eye coordination poor. So as a result he was a pretty bad driver and scared the pants off of all of us thinking of his driving. Every single person in Jake's family uttered prayers for God to protect him and others when he was behind the wheel. About three years ago, Jake was going home after work and got drowsy driving the country roads and jerked in time to realize he was heading off the road and over corrected his truck and rolled in the ditch. The truck sustained minor damages as well as the driver. Whew!..a very close call for Jake.

These are only the occurances I am aware of. When your kids grow up and move away a parent never knows it all and Thank God, because our worry somewhat ceases when they're grown, but I'm sure there were more close calls.

The day he decided his life on earth was not in his command was the day he chose to end his life with a gun in his own hand. Something mercifully unknown to his family had been so dark and so hurtful that he could not survive.

Was Jake lucky? Or were the hairs on his precious head counted before he was born? So many questions, so many mysteries.

I choose to believe that Jake was spared so many times because it just was not "his time". I think God gave Jake the amount of mobility, of coordination and of vision to get the job done. The job he was created for. I think when God spoke to Jake he listened. You see Jake lived most of his adult life alone and when you're alone you seem to listen more. You have more quiet time. Jake became immersed in the Word. His prayer life was the life he loved. He sought God, he listened to him and he just delighted in telling us how much he loved Him. He would smile that big old toothy grin and his eyes would twinkle and he'd utter "Wow". And Jake would get that far away look in his eyes and just fall silent as if he could see something we could not or was hearing something we were not and he'd slowly shake his head and smile as if he just could not wait to go " Home ".

I'm sure there are many lessons here depending on who is reading and where you are in your life right now, but the lesson for me that exceeds all others is that I can always present my concerns to God and ask him for his protection but after that I can rest assured that He has it. I can let it go. He'll take care of things the way he has planned to all along. As I love to say "we know not what the future holds, but we know who holds the future". What a huge load that takes from us not having to feel in control.

Oh gosh my boy has taught me so very many lessons in the three months since he left us. And not just me.........his sisters, his brother, all of us are so blessed to have had Jake in our midst 40 years. A full ten more years than we thought we'd have him during that dark time when we didn't know if he'd recover from a head injury.

Jake at the Lousiana State Fair,2009.



My sponsor in recovery and her husband blessed me with a little book called "From Sunset To Dawn", and I'd like to share with you a beautiful poem, author unknown.

Say not the boy is dead, but rather say
He's but a little farther on the way,
Impatient sooner to behold the view___
At the next turning you may see it too.
Say he's a child again, early to bed,
On night's soft pillow fain to lay his head.
Say he is off to track the mountain stream,
And lingers by the side in boyish dream.
Say by immortal waters now at rest,
He clasps a thousand memories to his breast.
Say to his wondering quests wise angels, smiling,
Tell the true story of the world's beguiling.
Say on heroic task his soul is thrilling
Where noble dream hath noble deeds fulfilling.
Say that he feasts with comrades tried and true,
But in his heart the banquet waits for you.
Say in the Presence, at a gentle word
He shows his wound-marks to his wounded Lord,
Say never is he dead, but rather say,
He's but a little farther on the way.