Fresh on my mind

Good Morning Jake...my sweet boy.

Oh my goodness just one month from tomorrow will make two years since you left this world heavenbound.  I was knocked off my feet when the news came that fateful afternoon on June 17, 2010 telling me that you had shot yourself.  How did it happen. That was the question in all our minds, but today Jake, the reason does not matter. We have done as you always lived. We trusted our Lord. We prayed and we realized we had more friends than we ever knew who cried with us, prayed with us and spoke so lovingly of you and what you had meant to them.

One day became two and before it the days turned into weeks and then into months and now we can say "years". I can let myself go back to that darkest of days I'll likely ever know and the freshness is there. I can go back to shock, grief, disbelief and every other adjective describing heartache but I've learned through this process that I can also choose not to.

I never wanted your sweet 40 years to be defined in that one terrible moment in which your life on earth ended. No Jake, you deserve so much more than that. Your life was an inspiration to all of us who knew and loved you. We all strive to be better people because of you.

There is never a day you are not in my thoughts and there has never been a moment you are not felt in my heart. I'm grateful that it will never be any different. The difference in today than almost two years ago is that I now feel your presence, your love with a smile. My heart smiles today. I'd not want you back here to suffer, to worry, to fear and feel the feelings we feel when you now feel nothing but grace, mercy, love and all the heavenly feelings God promises his children.

I know you see us and I know you guide us in our daily comings and goings. I feel more closely to you today in the garden. My thumb has changed from brown to green and I happily think you helped me with that.

Each time I look upon the face of our sweet RoseMeredith or stop to think of her and what her birth has done for our family...when I look at the sweet face of Lanna, I see you Jake. How you loved children and what a precious precious Uncle you would have been to these little girls. Umpa Jake. How you loved is the measure for how you're loved today Jake.

Until we meet again Jake for our joyous reunion please keep smiling down and gently touching our cheeks.

I love you baby.

Momma

Happy Birthday Jake

A birthday Gift Jake born on your birthday. Your niece Rose Meredith Wendling. So many ways we celebrate your life today Jake. You are so loved and missed.

Jake's second Christmas with Jesus

Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to you and yours!

Isn't this a Great picture?

I just ran across this picture taken of Jake a couple of years ago and I just love this image of him. His hair, his tan and he had some "meat" on his bones. He had a cute grin and just looked Happy. What more can I say. No words.

Jake's Favorite Time of Year

Springtime..........

Jake truly loved spring and watching life sprout from the ground from which he'd dug and planted tiny seeds and dirty withered bulbs. Though he'd have liked nothing more, he knew he could not eek out a good living from doing just flower bed work but was so happy after designing his customers' beds to go to the garden section from You know The Store and select the plants, plant the beds and then tend them throughout the growing season. He even went back afterwards and as the last petal fell to it's death, cleaned out the beds for winter. No matter what else was going on in Jake's life or how slim and meager his pickins were he simply made time for his flower beds. And I'm reminded of the way he had set up his telephone answering machine at home to record, "Hell0, this is Jake and I'm sorry I'm not in now as I'm probably in someone's bed...uh Flower Bed that is so please be patient and I'll call you when I get in...Thank You and God Bless You". It simply came easy to Jake because as the old saying goes "find a job you truly love and you'll never have to work a day in your life". You see Jake had found the secret...He took time to smell the flowers! Happy Springtime my sweet boy. I can't even imagine the wonderful smell of the Flowers you tend today!

Then he commanded, "Let the earth produce all kinds of plants, those that bear grain and those that bear fruit".....and it was done.So the earth produced all kinds of plants, and God was pleased with what he saw.GENESIS 1:11-12

The Word Is ... HUMILITY

Have you ever began answering the questions to fill out a Social Network Profile and when you come upon the section that says "BOOKS" you have to think? I mean some people are just not Readers. And what if you're a Single guy or gal and you're filling out your profile for say a Single's Site for Dating and you're wanting to not "lie" but to for sure put your best foot forward in answering all the questions so you appear to be uh......for lack of a better word..."Knowledgable" or "Well Read". Right? So you think and you think until you come up with a few titles that might not necessarily impress but will................... oh heck yes, that will impress.

Are you with me here? You do know what I mean. Right? right?

Well that is what Jake was faced with each time he filled out his Profile whether it be for a dating website or for a social network such as Facebook. For gosh sakes, he sure didn't want his Mom filling out his profile for him and his typing was of the hunt and peck group so to say it took him awhile is an understatement. He really worked at this and when finished I'm real sure he breathed a huge sigh of relief to be finished and probably looked back over at his answers before hitting the Continue button. If he went public with his answers then he was pleased at his abilities and his answers.

I always got a big kick out of Jake's Profile on Facebook in several places but especially where it asks for the books he liked reading. There were four listed. And I am as sure as I can be that Jake did not have to ponder on the titles. He simply listed the four books he had read in his lifetime.

Jake was NOT a reader. He had terribly bad eyesight and from the time when he was four years old wore really thick glasses.
This little picture of Jake was when he was six years old.

Then when he suffered a closed head injury at the age of 20 his eyesight took a swan dive south and they became even worse. So to read was a major sacrafice as he had to hold the book so close and he was a slow reader to retain what he had read. If Jake read a complete book then you can be sure he GOT IT. And get it he did when he read...




And


These were the books he had read and these were the only books he'd admit to reading when faced with that question. Not bragging. Not trying to be anything. He was just humble and naive like that. He was NEVER a showoff, haughty Christian. He was as simple as he could be with his love for Jesus. It just was what it was.

My Boy

I thought of you today,

but that is nothing new.

I thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too. I think of you in silence

And make no outward show

for what it meant to lose you

Only those who love you know. Remembering you is easy,

I do it everyday.

It's the heartache of losing

you that will never go away.

I Will Love You Always,

Momma