I confess.............I have for the most part been guilty of being a "yeah, but" type person. And as Dr. Phil (whom I adore) says, "If you don't own it you can't correct it". A "yeah but" personality is so busy thinking of her/his response to "get" the lesson there is to be learned.
I really don't know God's purpose for my being here. There may be one and there may be many. But I do think I know one of Jake's purposes. I think he was sent to lead our family. The irony of this is that Jake was the youngest, the meekest and the one we all thought of as a follower, not a leader. Because he was quieter. I guess we were under the false impression that to lead you had to be boisterous, loud, demanding and assertive. He was none of those things.
I wonder now how many many times Jake's feelings were hurt by remarks made by me and by others in his family. Well intentioned you understand, but with our thinking we had the answer, we had the smarts, the right thing for Jake to do. To do it our way, to smile differently when having his picture made, to be more assertive, to stand up for himself, to branch out and try different things; different churches, see different people, manage his money differently and on and on and on. As if Jake didn't have the sense to make up his own mind. As if he couldn't make it without our constant input. Funny thing is...Jake had a 401K Plan at Home Depot. He owned his home. He had a long time of continuous employment with the same company. He was a champion of souls winning more souls to heaven that I probably can count. He never gave up on the Saints of New Orleans and never made an enemy and was the first to get to Paradise.
You'd just think that with all this interference and suggestions that Jake would once in awhile say "Yeah but........" But he rarely did. He looked us in the face nodding his head and would then say "right, right" and end with hugging you and saying "God Bless You".
Oh good gracious now that Jake is gone from us the scenes replay over and over all the times I wish I could have some "do overs", but I know I can't. Oh the arrogance of it all. I hate the feelings of grief, despair and sadness, but I will go on and as sad and ashamed as I may feel, I must grab these lessons of Jake's and learn from them and go forward being a better person. I'll try oh so hard to bite my tongue before saying "Yeah but" again.
I can learn from the smallest, least educated, meekest mildest person on earth. That is Humility and that is what my son Jake had. Some virtues of Jake's character were humility, kindness, selflessness, gratitude for being a child of God and his great desire for you to be his brother and sister in Christ.
Thank you baby for the many lessons. May you one day forgive my ignorance and know just how much I admired you and only wish I'd made it known to you while you were here. God willing, someday I might just have that opportunity!
This really makes you think. I am gonna pay attention to this lesson myself. I am bad about giving strong and unsolicited advice too, and sometimes people just need to be understood rather than fixed (by us). Thank you momma, and you know... I think that you always gave him advise out of love, and a desire to help. I am certain that he always always knew that.You are a wonderful mother, and we all know THAT !
ReplyDeleteLove Lori
Boy, do I ever see myself in what you've written here! I can So get into that "I know the best way" place, and be only too eager to let that other dumb person know it. Maybe Jake, through you, can teach me more humility and gentleness, too.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs from Oregon
Wow, made me think.
ReplyDeleteI love this picture of Jake :)
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ReplyDeleteUnlike Jake, I don't always take advice in the best of spirits. Sometimes it can come across as being critical. My mom loves to give advice and I do need to learn to be more gracious in accepting it in the spirit in which it was intended. Thank you Jake and Miz Mollye for reminding me to be gracious and also to be gentler with my child.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet friend you are the very best person. You are going to see Jake again one day and you need to just continue to be you. You are one awesome friend and I am so honored to have you as my friend. Life is full of curve balls. Just run those bases honey. That is all we can do so eventually we will run into the arms of Jesus! Blessings to you and your beautiful family. Anne
ReplyDeleteHi MizMollye, I have been away from blogland for a time and came back on tonight. Of course your blog was the first I went to, and I was so dismayed to learn of your loss. My deepest regrets for the tragedy that has touched you and your family. Although I know you only from your wonderful blog, I truly feel Jake would be the first to say that his mom was the best. And that no matter what he knew that you always had his best interests at heart. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteBetty
I read several of your posts as this is my first visit to your blog. My heart goes out to you. I also lost a son. His birthday is Sept 29 so he is on my heart even more right now though he has been with Jesus for over 14 years. Thank you for sharing your son's story.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we just don't step back and look closely because we are too close. When we lose people we go over all the things that we would do differently if we could go back in time. But the important thing is like you say, is to learn lessons, that is what life is all about, to become a better person, and to learn. The fact that you examine your owm self, is what makes you so special, you have the ability to turn around and question your self. Not everyone has this vital gift. You are such a lovely soul. Jake was lucky to have a Mum like you Mollye! Susie xxxx
ReplyDeleteLife is hard sometimes...really hard. Jake had a really good mom....I think you're the best of the best. Stay strong ok. Sarah
ReplyDeletePraying for you.
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