Oh my goodness just one month from tomorrow will make two years since you left this world heavenbound. I was knocked off my feet when the news came that fateful afternoon on June 17, 2010 telling me that you had shot yourself. How did it happen. That was the question in all our minds, but today Jake, the reason does not matter. We have done as you always lived. We trusted our Lord. We prayed and we realized we had more friends than we ever knew who cried with us, prayed with us and spoke so lovingly of you and what you had meant to them.
One day became two and before it the days turned into weeks and then into months and now we can say "years". I can let myself go back to that darkest of days I'll likely ever know and the freshness is there. I can go back to shock, grief, disbelief and every other adjective describing heartache but I've learned through this process that I can also choose not to.
I never wanted your sweet 40 years to be defined in that one terrible moment in which your life on earth ended. No Jake, you deserve so much more than that. Your life was an inspiration to all of us who knew and loved you. We all strive to be better people because of you.
There is never a day you are not in my thoughts and there has never been a moment you are not felt in my heart. I'm grateful that it will never be any different. The difference in today than almost two years ago is that I now feel your presence, your love with a smile. My heart smiles today. I'd not want you back here to suffer, to worry, to fear and feel the feelings we feel when you now feel nothing but grace, mercy, love and all the heavenly feelings God promises his children.
I know you see us and I know you guide us in our daily comings and goings. I feel more closely to you today in the garden. My thumb has changed from brown to green and I happily think you helped me with that.
Each time I look upon the face of our sweet RoseMeredith or stop to think of her and what her birth has done for our family...when I look at the sweet face of Lanna, I see you Jake. How you loved children and what a precious precious Uncle you would have been to these little girls. Umpa Jake. How you loved is the measure for how you're loved today Jake.
Until we meet again Jake for our joyous reunion please keep smiling down and gently touching our cheeks.
Momma
xoxo Miz M.
ReplyDeleteVery sweet Momma. I miss him too but today the hurt is so much less for all the reasons you said. Im very proud of how you have handled his death. I hope you are an inspiration to other mother who have lost or will loose a child. Im happy that your finding joy in life again. I also have more joy than two years ago since Jakes death and much of that joy is with and because of you! I love you..Shari...
ReplyDeleteSweet Mollye.
ReplyDeleteI am sure he is smiling from heaven at the beauty of Meridith Rose :)
BLess You heart
Beautifully said mother. I too am so proud of your strength and faith. I never thought we would begin to heal in the ways that we individually have over the last two years. Was truly Christ who has walked alongside each one of us through the seemingly unbearable. Love Lori
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