You all understand the first year after losing a loved one is a year filled with "anniversaries" and special times spent with that person and when the event falls around for the first time after, you relive that time minute by minute remembering everything said and felt.
Such is the case now as The Louisiana State Fair begins for 2010. Nothing magical about the occasion a year ago, but looking back a year. WOW. Buddy and Jessica were due to move to Mobile the following day and the four of us; them and Jake and I went to the state fair and rodeo. OK it was fun then. But little did any of us know it would be the last time we would go to a fair with Jake. It now seems precious. Magical. Surreal. Monumental.
I can taste the ice cream bar Jake is happily devouring.
I can feel the pride Jake felt as he showed us the bed of Mums he designed and planted as the Horticulturist for The City of Bossier City for a display at the fairgrounds.
I can hear the laughter of the children and see Jake's smiles at the fun they were having.
I can hear Jake's laughter.
I can feel his hugs.
I can feel our silliness as he modeled the huge crochet hat I had made and while crocheting the thing (which was supposed to be a slouch hat) lost count of my stitches which made it big enough to fit a toilet seat!
I can hear all his "Wow's" as he thrillingly watched the bull riders.
I can remember all the times he checked his texts to see if a new girlfriend had texted him.
I recall the "far enchanted" looks on his face when we knew he was thinking about the first kiss he had recently shared with her. A big WOW!
And on the flip side, I can again as a hopefully "normal" reaction feel all the "I wishes" such as;
wish I'd hugged him more
wish I'd laughed with him more
wish this and wish that.
But it is what it is. We go about our lives each and every day not thinking it might be the last of such that we will ever get to do with that one we love.
We say we will cherish each day and live it as though it were our last. But do we do that always?
No. We forget. We begin to be "normal" again and we take for granted. We're human.
We can't ever get a "do-over" here on earth but when we know we know we are a Child of the King, we know we will have an eternal do-over. And that is what keeps us going.
My lesson from today's little rememberance.
Live each day satisfied. Not always wanting more ice cream, another cotton candy, more money to ride. Enjoy your ice cream with sprinkles, enjoy the fun of others and above all else
... Stop long enough to smell the Mums!
Jake sure did!
