ANOTHER FIRST.....HUNTING SEASON COMES AND GOES

Just can't get my mind off of you today Jake. How I miss you. Mike is in the woods for one of the few remaining weekends left of hunting season and he is not enjoying his hunting without you.
This was your first deer and you got him at Buddy's one weekend last year. Buddy has not hunted this year but he may be able to go next year.

Here you were several years ago practicing your skills.


I love you so much Darlin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE

Today we Celebrate Jake Gregory Wendling....
my youngest child...the baby of the family; born January 3, 1970 in Bossier City, LA. Jake was the only of my four children to arrive on his due date. He weighed in at 6 lb. 10 oz. and I believe he was about 20 inches long.

Jake was a good baby. He was the only baby I nursed and he seemed to be losing weight rather than gaining. What was up with this? We took him to his pediatrician and sure enough he had lost a considerable amount of weight for his tiny size and the diagnosis was "failure to thrive". I was devastated because I felt I was doing something wrong and it was all my fault. The doctor assured me that is was just something that happened and was not rare or my "fault". Once he began taking formula he thrived. Shortly after he was taken back to the hospital with a hernia and again I was assured this was quite common among baby boys (actually Buddy had had one too) and he had surgery as a tiny, tiny baby.

Jake was always satisfied. Never whining for more of anything and he was so easy to please. He played well by himself and with others and he always had a sweet smile on his face.

Now I know this sounds probably like such a biased mother and especially since Jake is no longer here on earth, but girls I am telling you the truth and his brother and sisters can vouch for me, he was a terrific kid and grew to be a terrific man. He was so admired by many and I know I can't say enough nice things about Jake. I mean I am his mother for goodness sake. But today is his 41st birthday and as it happens he is spending his first birthday in Heaven.

You know the first year after the death of a loved one, we're filled with so many "firsts" and I was so dreading the thought of Christmas without Jake but I just had a good talk with Jesus and I then spoke honestly to myself and realized I can dread all these firsts and be despondent and depressed because Jake is not here and he is so missed, or I can turn it around and realize that this is the first of all of those firsts that Jake is in his heavenly home and I can only imagine how marvelous and wonderful it is for him and I know this may not be comforting to everyone and we all deal with grief in our own way and in our own time and I surely respect that but I am choosing to think of it this way and it truly is making the day somehow more normal and bearable for me.

By Jake having his birthday so close to Christmas he kinda got the short end of the stick as far as gifts for his birthday as we were pretty much broke by then, and he was always still out of school for the holidays and a party wasn't easy to have. We usually celebrated his birthday with family and he always seemed to enjoy his celebrations. Nearly ever gift he ever received was a WOW with Jake.

Jake was a cheerful giver too. He once gave me a little wood stand with a standing mirror and an etched poem on the front with Roses. (I can't photograph it for you because of the glare) I'd like to share with you the poem.

WHAT MOM TOOK

"Most often when we think of Mom, We think of what she's given; The softness of a loving touch, A gentle guide for living; A nightly tip-toe in a room, An understanding look; But sometimes when I think of Mom I think of what she took.

She took a child and taught it how To live this life with pride She took those kindergarten tears, And kept them all inside. She took the hands that longed to hold Her child and not let go. Used them to push her child along The way, to thrive and grow. Took time to do some other things Like sew, and clean and cook, And never thought to ask for thanks For all the things she took. Thanks, Mom."

This is just one of the many gifts Jake gave me. He never forgot my birthday, Christmas or Mother's Day and he usually also remembered me on Easter with a plant. He never had much to spend but he took time in choosing his gifts and his cards; well I have some funny memories I'll share with you one day soon regarding Jake's method of choosing cards. I've always kept this little mirrored poem in my living room on a shelf which I keep solely for the gifts from my kids and I'd catch Jake reading this from time to time and getting a huge smile on his face when he finished. I treasure this gift and there is no amount of money that could make me give it up. I am grateful for every gift Jake ever gave me, but the gift I'm most grateful for is the Gift from God for giving Jake to us for 40 years.

So I must always try to remember and celebrate January 3 with Praise and Thanksgiving, not grief and sadness. For the past two or three years, Jake went to the woods with Mike (hubby) and I would send a plate of cupcakes or a small cake with them and they'd celebrate together or with whoever might be hunting that particular time. That was the special thing Mike did to celebrate Jake's birthday and they both enjoyed that.

So Jakey my boy, I miss you more than words can say and I long to hold you in a big hug and kiss your sweet cheek and hear you say, "I love you Momma" and smile that sweet big ole lopsided smile of yours. Your sisters and your brother long for you and miss you terribly. We live in such a paradox with broken hearts and also with hearts of Thanksgiving that you did not live to suffer each day of your life with a broken body and a heart of pain. But reality smacks us in the face and we know we have you in our hearts forever and one day we will all be together for eternity so we'll just say.............Happy Birthday Jake, we love you and miss you and hope your special day is awesome.

Memoriam published in The Shreveport Times 1/3/2011

All our love forever, Your family: Momma and Mike, Dad and Jill, devoted brother Buddy and Jess, "big sis"Lori and Marcus, your "little sis, Shari and Wes. Andy, Erika, Joe, Emily and Michael. Malcolm, Addison and Bella. Kane, Nayda, Ellie and Luke. Celebrating your birthday today will be your Home Depot Family and a host of friends and your precious family at North Shreve Baptist Church. Smile on us Jake and ask the Lord our God to grant us Peace as we go about our lives remembering the love you gave to all you met. Thank You Jake for the gifts you gave to us.

Read more of Jake's Birthday Here

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

My First Christmas in Heaven


I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.



I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.



I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,

But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me dear ones, You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.



I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.



Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,

For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,

Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year!
(sourced from internet)

Merry Christmas Jake, We love and miss you

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WITH JAKE

Yep Jake was a typical "man shopper". Like two days before Christmas and uh........ when I asked him if he had done any shopping he'd look at me increduously and ask "aren't the stores open tomorrow night"?

The presents just weren't the priority. Jake loved Christmas, the visiting, the church music presentations, eating and eating and eating some more. And he loved getting together with all his family.

Jake was fun to buy for. He collected Nascar, Tony Stewart items and was a huge NO Saints fan so he was so easy to please. He never asked for anything so therefore anything you bought him tickled him to pieces. He was slim and very easy to fit and the clothing you bought for him looked great on him. Jake was just a pleasure. Plain and simple.

This year our family did little special things in Jake's memory and I know he is pleased and would be so happy to know he is still able to make people happy.

He always felt badly when he wasn't able to get the family gifts he wanted to give to all of us. He always bought a nice assorted box of Christmas Cards and everyone he loved between numbers 1 and 25 got a card!


Jake's Christmas Tree he decorated at his house in 2008

Years ago he began giving me a box of chocolate covered cherries as that was something my momma always put in my stocking so that was a special little "you can count on" surprise. Then several years Home Depot would mark down some of the poinsettias that were a little banged up and Jake would love them back to beauty and surprise me with a beautiful plant.

Last year our family decided to draw names for Christmas 2010 and Jake drew mine. I know without a doubt that God will let Jake surprise me this year. Maybe in the form of a special dream or a wonderful unexpected memory. I don't know how it will be but I am counting on it.

Christmas at Momma and Mike's 2008

A JOYFUL NOISE

Why is singing praises most always referred to as a "joyful noise"? In my case it certainly is because I can't carry a tune in a bucket and my late husband used to tell me in church when I'd begin to sing to "just pantomine". But in Jake's case it was very different. And when Jake sang, he smiled. He looked as if he was about to break out in a big belly laugh, he got such a kick out of singing.

Yep our guy could sing. I mean really! He had an awesome voice. Not only could he sing but he could play the wash board or as we in Louisiana call it The Scrub Board. But his sweet voice; lots of soul. Volumn. Big pipes. He could sing a soulful song like Al Green. A soft bluesy rendition of Charlie Rich so close to him you had to wonder which came first. He did a fairly decent Elvis. But where he excelled was his gospel singing. He truly lit up when singing to the Lord.

I just am convinced that Jake is so busy in Heaven today that he has no time to fret over anyone of us fretting over him. He has his flower beds to design and tend and all the children there (who await their own parents) to parent and play with and all the greats in music who are there singing and playing music none like we've ever heard.

I believe he is in awe over the piano music of Anthony Berger who left us four years ago to join Jesus and all the angels and saints in heaven. It is said he died immediately after playing "We Shall Behold Him". And he must have in the next second beheld Jesus, arms wide open.

I believe the second after Jake drew his last breath he beheld Jesus, arms wide open also.

Sing it Jake. Play it Anthony. Awesome.



Anthony Burger, 44, stricken, dies during performance
Pianist was part of the Gaither Homecoming cruise when he suffers fatal heart attack

FRANKLIN, Tenn. — Memorial services were held March 1 for renown pianist Anthony Burger who died Feb. 22, while performing during a Gaither Homecoming concert aboard a Caribbean cruise liner. He was 44.

According to published reports, Burger was performing with the Gaither Vocal Band aboard the ms Zuiderdam, when he collapsed at the piano. Attempts to revive him backstage failed. The ship, on an Inspiration Cruise, left port from Miami with more than 1,500 passengers. An autopsy revealed his heart had burst. He had no known heart trouble prior to the attack that killed him.

Early reports originally indicated that Burger was playing “We Shall Behold Him” when he was stricken. But Ben Speer, who was on the cruise, said in a note posted on Mark Lowry’s Web site, that Burger had finished that song when, several numbers later, someone in the audience noticed Burger was doubled over.

Burger, an accomplished pianist whose career included solo work, first began in the industry at age 16 as a member of The Kingsmen quartet. He joined the Gaither band a decade ago, performing more than 250 times a year. He also performed at the White House and for numerous Billy Graham crusades. Burger’s audiences included President George W. Bush, and his predecessors, Carter and Regan.

Another "WOW" Time With Jake

You all understand the first year after losing a loved one is a year filled with "anniversaries" and special times spent with that person and when the event falls around for the first time after, you relive that time minute by minute remembering everything said and felt.

Such is the case now as The Louisiana State Fair begins for 2010. Nothing magical about the occasion a year ago, but looking back a year. WOW. Buddy and Jessica were due to move to Mobile the following day and the four of us; them and Jake and I went to the state fair and rodeo. OK it was fun then. But little did any of us know it would be the last time we would go to a fair with Jake. It now seems precious. Magical. Surreal. Monumental.





I can taste the ice cream bar Jake is happily devouring.

I can feel the pride Jake felt as he showed us the bed of Mums he designed and planted as the Horticulturist for The City of Bossier City for a display at the fairgrounds.

I can hear the laughter of the children and see Jake's smiles at the fun they were having.

I can hear Jake's laughter.

I can feel his hugs.

I can feel our silliness as he modeled the huge crochet hat I had made and while crocheting the thing (which was supposed to be a slouch hat) lost count of my stitches which made it big enough to fit a toilet seat!

I can hear all his "Wow's" as he thrillingly watched the bull riders.

I can remember all the times he checked his texts to see if a new girlfriend had texted him.

I recall the "far enchanted" looks on his face when we knew he was thinking about the first kiss he had recently shared with her. A big WOW!






And on the flip side, I can again as a hopefully "normal" reaction feel all the "I wishes" such as;

wish I'd hugged him more

wish I'd laughed with him more

wish this and wish that.





But it is what it is. We go about our lives each and every day not thinking it might be the last of such that we will ever get to do with that one we love.

We say we will cherish each day and live it as though it were our last. But do we do that always?

No. We forget. We begin to be "normal" again and we take for granted. We're human.
We can't ever get a "do-over" here on earth but when we know we know we are a Child of the King, we know we will have an eternal do-over. And that is what keeps us going.





My lesson from today's little rememberance.

Live each day satisfied. Not always wanting more ice cream, another cotton candy, more money to ride. Enjoy your ice cream with sprinkles, enjoy the fun of others and above all else

... Stop long enough to smell the Mums!



Jake sure did!

IT'S ALL ABOUT HAPPINESS, SMILES AND GRINS

I feel a little today like writing a letter to you Jake because I'm missing you so much. Missing hugging you. Holding your hand. Hearing you laugh. Watching you eat. A person could not stay down when you were around because you had the ability to just make them feel good by being in your presence. But I'm not gonna write you a letter.

However I am going to share a feeling. The feeling is Happiness. That's what you were all about Jake.

Happiness, Gratitude, Joy, Laughing, Grinning, Smiling and Feeling Good!

Oh don't get me wrong. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is no greater hurt, no greater pain or heartache than that of a mother who has lost her child. I don't think I will ever in my lifetime know pain like the pain I feel of losing you. I don't mean "losing" you because you are alive in Heaven and I haven't lost you from my heart, but just from knowing you "died". It is a horrific and unnatural deep down wrenching hurt.

I could write and write, hire novelists, poets and experts to write on the subject and all the elloquence and powerful adjectives could still not express the pain in a momma's heart when one of her children dies. A baby she gave birth to and no matter how old they are or how they died there are not adequate words to express the feeling. So why do it. I could try but what is the use. Nothing will change and telling someone how much my heart hurts will not make it hurt less ................. but I think I have found the answer!

Truly I do. I will instead write about all the wonderful things that made up Jake Wendling!

Jake Wendling was an awesome individual. He was someone everyone would have liked being friends with.

I will let people know how kind you were. The values you had. How you made other people feel good about themselves. How it felt when you smiled at me and said "I Love You, Momma". How generous you were with your time, your efforts. How funny you were. Your wit. Your compassionate nature. Your gentleness. Your strength.

Your passion for the N.O.Saints and for Tony Stewart and Nascar. How proud you were to work for an amazing company.

How much you loved our Lord. The relationship you shared with Jesus.

The fact you had an awesome voice. And you could dance like Michael Jackson.

How tickled you were fishing and hunting with your brother.

How you loved studying scripture with your little sister.

How much you looked up to your big sister.

How you loved your Dad. How much fun you had babysitting your baby nephew Luke who called you "Umpah Jake". The unique relationship you had with your step-dad Mike. How very respectful you were to your step-mom Jill.

About all the many, many friends you had. What a green thumb you had. How you loved a pretty lady. All the ladies. And how much you wanted to be a daddy. How proud you were when you bought your home, your new truck.

Skinning your first deer. Loving your little Bston Terrior Bugsy. How you loved family time. Holidays. How you loved dressing up for church. How much you loved to eat. The kind of music you liked. The fact that you could play the cajun scrub board. And had played with some famous people. How easy going you were. How I probably only heard you raise your voice maybe four times in your forty years!

How proud you were when you got your teeth cleaned and whitened. The way you took pride in the city flower beds and being the Horticulturist for the city. Wow. How much you like wearning cologne and smelling nice. The funny way you could tell a joke.

How you couldn't remember what or when you last ate, but you could quote scripture and the statistics of football heroes or racing stats!

That you were a Sunday School Teacher. That you sang in the church choir. The Director of the Men of the Church.... Wow. How dedicated you were in scouts and that you were an Eagle Scout. How compassionate you were to the handicapable.

Ice cream and Cake.

Crawfish...Wow!

Oh boy Jake, I have barely touched the top of the barrel and there are ten times more things that I know you loved, liked, got a kick out of and stood for. So you see I will NEVER run out of happy things to write about. I'll never run out of lessons you taught us.

Fascinating things, simple things, funny things, serious things. But very very few sad things.

Actually the only really sad thing I can really write about is the second you chose to leave us. And then I would be sobbing while writing, but why do that when I have hundreds of things to write about that make me smile and feel good. You see Jake I think I have a job to let others know you in the chance that someone out there may be blessed or helped in some way by knowing what Jake was all about. And if I write only about your death I can't think of how anyone could actually be helped.

Also I know we're told there is never, never any hint of sadness in Heaven, but just on the very slim chance that you can see me being so sad, I believe you might just be a little sad yourself and I don't want to take that chance, Jake. I want you to look down at your momma and see me trusting Jesus and feeling your sweet spirit around me and know without a doubt that you're having the grandest time of your life and that the sheer joy is incomprehensible to understand and for that reason alone I want you to see me SMILE.

I want to know my sweet boy that Jesus has called you over to stand by his side and that He has his arm around you pointing down here and you are grinning and saying to Him,"WOW".