Happy Birthday Jake

Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to Jakey...Happy Birthday to you...............and many more! These were the words I last sang to you Jake three years ago today as you and Mike prepared to go the the deer camp. How you loved going. For the past few years we didn't get together as a family to celebrate your birthday because you got to take a couple of days off to go hunting with Mike and I'd make or buy cupcakes for you to take with you and share with whoever was there at the time. Today is a different way of celebrating your birthday as you've been gone from us 2 1/2 years and on this your third birthday away. You would be 43 years old today and I sometimes wonder what you'd be doing and how your life would have changed but I stop myself from going there because for forty years we were blessed to have you in our lives and with people we love we always want more. To know how much I loved you and to stop and think just how much more Jesus loves you humbles me and I again receive another blessing in knowing you're with Him. But that doesn't stop our missing you. That will likely never end but one day all our family will be together again and we'll never know this feeling of loss. So today Jake I celebrate YOUR birthday. The day I gave birth to you and all the birthdays we had you with us. Happy Birthday Son and with so much love from your momma.

Our third Christmas

Merry Christmas Jake

December 26 and it is hard to believe that our third Christmas without you just passed. The first one was a blur and I though knowing you were with Jesus, Christmas was nonetheless not a happy or joyous day. Last year was perhaps a bit less sad but still not happy or joyous. There was a feeling of "what's the big deal".

But this year was different. This year I have Peace in my heart. We knew sweetness this year.

Many changes have led to this feeling. RoseMeredith was born just this very year on your birthday and as Buddy had practically given up on becoming a father this was just nothing short of a miracle. And of course all of us knew how very much you had wanted children and though bittersweet we still knew you would be over the moon happy. Personal heartaches and difficult times in the family occurred with misunderstandings and blessedly most of those got worked out because we are a forgiving and a loving family. Others will take some time but we are optimistic.  Also there were health scares. With Mike, Buddy, Lori, and Shari. By the grace of God everyone is fine today.


Though I and the others at different times can be brought to our knees in anguish and to tears at the mention of your name, we have come to the place of Acceptance. We Accept that you will not return to us on this earth. We Accept and look forward to the day we will all be together on the other side.

In the meantime, we all try to take a big part of  "Jake" with us in our daily lives. We love more, we forgive more, and we share more of what being a Child of God is today. In this way, we Remember and we know that you Jake are still very much with us. We all keep you close to our hearts and we feel that you watch over us and help guide.  We miss you no less Jake but we are beginning to be able to miss you with a smile now rather than tears.


Thanks be to God.

Fresh on my mind

Good Morning Jake...my sweet boy.

Oh my goodness just one month from tomorrow will make two years since you left this world heavenbound.  I was knocked off my feet when the news came that fateful afternoon on June 17, 2010 telling me that you had shot yourself.  How did it happen. That was the question in all our minds, but today Jake, the reason does not matter. We have done as you always lived. We trusted our Lord. We prayed and we realized we had more friends than we ever knew who cried with us, prayed with us and spoke so lovingly of you and what you had meant to them.

One day became two and before it the days turned into weeks and then into months and now we can say "years". I can let myself go back to that darkest of days I'll likely ever know and the freshness is there. I can go back to shock, grief, disbelief and every other adjective describing heartache but I've learned through this process that I can also choose not to.

I never wanted your sweet 40 years to be defined in that one terrible moment in which your life on earth ended. No Jake, you deserve so much more than that. Your life was an inspiration to all of us who knew and loved you. We all strive to be better people because of you.

There is never a day you are not in my thoughts and there has never been a moment you are not felt in my heart. I'm grateful that it will never be any different. The difference in today than almost two years ago is that I now feel your presence, your love with a smile. My heart smiles today. I'd not want you back here to suffer, to worry, to fear and feel the feelings we feel when you now feel nothing but grace, mercy, love and all the heavenly feelings God promises his children.

I know you see us and I know you guide us in our daily comings and goings. I feel more closely to you today in the garden. My thumb has changed from brown to green and I happily think you helped me with that.

Each time I look upon the face of our sweet RoseMeredith or stop to think of her and what her birth has done for our family...when I look at the sweet face of Lanna, I see you Jake. How you loved children and what a precious precious Uncle you would have been to these little girls. Umpa Jake. How you loved is the measure for how you're loved today Jake.

Until we meet again Jake for our joyous reunion please keep smiling down and gently touching our cheeks.

I love you baby.

Momma

Happy Birthday Jake

A birthday Gift Jake born on your birthday. Your niece Rose Meredith Wendling. So many ways we celebrate your life today Jake. You are so loved and missed.

Jake's second Christmas with Jesus

Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to you and yours!

Isn't this a Great picture?

I just ran across this picture taken of Jake a couple of years ago and I just love this image of him. His hair, his tan and he had some "meat" on his bones. He had a cute grin and just looked Happy. What more can I say. No words.

Jake's Favorite Time of Year

Springtime..........

Jake truly loved spring and watching life sprout from the ground from which he'd dug and planted tiny seeds and dirty withered bulbs. Though he'd have liked nothing more, he knew he could not eek out a good living from doing just flower bed work but was so happy after designing his customers' beds to go to the garden section from You know The Store and select the plants, plant the beds and then tend them throughout the growing season. He even went back afterwards and as the last petal fell to it's death, cleaned out the beds for winter. No matter what else was going on in Jake's life or how slim and meager his pickins were he simply made time for his flower beds. And I'm reminded of the way he had set up his telephone answering machine at home to record, "Hell0, this is Jake and I'm sorry I'm not in now as I'm probably in someone's bed...uh Flower Bed that is so please be patient and I'll call you when I get in...Thank You and God Bless You". It simply came easy to Jake because as the old saying goes "find a job you truly love and you'll never have to work a day in your life". You see Jake had found the secret...He took time to smell the flowers! Happy Springtime my sweet boy. I can't even imagine the wonderful smell of the Flowers you tend today!

Then he commanded, "Let the earth produce all kinds of plants, those that bear grain and those that bear fruit".....and it was done.So the earth produced all kinds of plants, and God was pleased with what he saw.GENESIS 1:11-12

The Word Is ... HUMILITY

Have you ever began answering the questions to fill out a Social Network Profile and when you come upon the section that says "BOOKS" you have to think? I mean some people are just not Readers. And what if you're a Single guy or gal and you're filling out your profile for say a Single's Site for Dating and you're wanting to not "lie" but to for sure put your best foot forward in answering all the questions so you appear to be uh......for lack of a better word..."Knowledgable" or "Well Read". Right? So you think and you think until you come up with a few titles that might not necessarily impress but will................... oh heck yes, that will impress.

Are you with me here? You do know what I mean. Right? right?

Well that is what Jake was faced with each time he filled out his Profile whether it be for a dating website or for a social network such as Facebook. For gosh sakes, he sure didn't want his Mom filling out his profile for him and his typing was of the hunt and peck group so to say it took him awhile is an understatement. He really worked at this and when finished I'm real sure he breathed a huge sigh of relief to be finished and probably looked back over at his answers before hitting the Continue button. If he went public with his answers then he was pleased at his abilities and his answers.

I always got a big kick out of Jake's Profile on Facebook in several places but especially where it asks for the books he liked reading. There were four listed. And I am as sure as I can be that Jake did not have to ponder on the titles. He simply listed the four books he had read in his lifetime.

Jake was NOT a reader. He had terribly bad eyesight and from the time when he was four years old wore really thick glasses.
This little picture of Jake was when he was six years old.

Then when he suffered a closed head injury at the age of 20 his eyesight took a swan dive south and they became even worse. So to read was a major sacrafice as he had to hold the book so close and he was a slow reader to retain what he had read. If Jake read a complete book then you can be sure he GOT IT. And get it he did when he read...




And


These were the books he had read and these were the only books he'd admit to reading when faced with that question. Not bragging. Not trying to be anything. He was just humble and naive like that. He was NEVER a showoff, haughty Christian. He was as simple as he could be with his love for Jesus. It just was what it was.

My Boy

I thought of you today,

but that is nothing new.

I thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too. I think of you in silence

And make no outward show

for what it meant to lose you

Only those who love you know. Remembering you is easy,

I do it everyday.

It's the heartache of losing

you that will never go away.

I Will Love You Always,

Momma

This one's for you Jake!

YOU'LL NEVER GO WRONG

WHEN YOU LIVE BY THE GOLDEN RULE

My good and sweet friend Peggy aka "Queenmothermamaw" posted this morning the most amazing little story. A couple of her readers stated that this had been around for at least 20 years but I had never read it and when I did, I asked Peggy if I could re-post it because it made me think so strongly of Jake.

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.
I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one
I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed.He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still
nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at
the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his youngexecutives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new
Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

Jake was like that. Many times life was just not fair to Jake and there were also times when having been treated poorly and the opportunity to get a little even presented itself he was tempted to strike back. But he was a thinker and you could see him pondering greatly and see the far away look in his eyes as he considered whether to go right or left. Then mind made up he'd shake his head and strongly say "Nah...........it wouldn't be right". I think Jake might be gathering some little SEEDS in heaven for the Gold Crown he might one day wear!

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.


Before Jake unpacked his dishes, he PLANTED in the front of his little trailer to show that it was his "home".

THE GOLDEN RULE...it will simply never fail you. Oh of course there will be many times when you've treated someone as you wish to be treated only to be slammed to the floor. We all know that doing the right thing will not guarantee that everyone will do the right thing in return. But we are guaranteed to please Our Father each and every time we do the right thing as long as we're not doing it for our own glory.

As Oprah says and I believe the quote came from her friend Mya Angelou "When You Know Better, You Do Better". I wish this were true in all cases don't you.

THE GOLDEN RULE...............just a downright good rule to live by.

ANOTHER FIRST.....HUNTING SEASON COMES AND GOES

Just can't get my mind off of you today Jake. How I miss you. Mike is in the woods for one of the few remaining weekends left of hunting season and he is not enjoying his hunting without you.
This was your first deer and you got him at Buddy's one weekend last year. Buddy has not hunted this year but he may be able to go next year.

Here you were several years ago practicing your skills.


I love you so much Darlin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE

Today we Celebrate Jake Gregory Wendling....
my youngest child...the baby of the family; born January 3, 1970 in Bossier City, LA. Jake was the only of my four children to arrive on his due date. He weighed in at 6 lb. 10 oz. and I believe he was about 20 inches long.

Jake was a good baby. He was the only baby I nursed and he seemed to be losing weight rather than gaining. What was up with this? We took him to his pediatrician and sure enough he had lost a considerable amount of weight for his tiny size and the diagnosis was "failure to thrive". I was devastated because I felt I was doing something wrong and it was all my fault. The doctor assured me that is was just something that happened and was not rare or my "fault". Once he began taking formula he thrived. Shortly after he was taken back to the hospital with a hernia and again I was assured this was quite common among baby boys (actually Buddy had had one too) and he had surgery as a tiny, tiny baby.

Jake was always satisfied. Never whining for more of anything and he was so easy to please. He played well by himself and with others and he always had a sweet smile on his face.

Now I know this sounds probably like such a biased mother and especially since Jake is no longer here on earth, but girls I am telling you the truth and his brother and sisters can vouch for me, he was a terrific kid and grew to be a terrific man. He was so admired by many and I know I can't say enough nice things about Jake. I mean I am his mother for goodness sake. But today is his 41st birthday and as it happens he is spending his first birthday in Heaven.

You know the first year after the death of a loved one, we're filled with so many "firsts" and I was so dreading the thought of Christmas without Jake but I just had a good talk with Jesus and I then spoke honestly to myself and realized I can dread all these firsts and be despondent and depressed because Jake is not here and he is so missed, or I can turn it around and realize that this is the first of all of those firsts that Jake is in his heavenly home and I can only imagine how marvelous and wonderful it is for him and I know this may not be comforting to everyone and we all deal with grief in our own way and in our own time and I surely respect that but I am choosing to think of it this way and it truly is making the day somehow more normal and bearable for me.

By Jake having his birthday so close to Christmas he kinda got the short end of the stick as far as gifts for his birthday as we were pretty much broke by then, and he was always still out of school for the holidays and a party wasn't easy to have. We usually celebrated his birthday with family and he always seemed to enjoy his celebrations. Nearly ever gift he ever received was a WOW with Jake.

Jake was a cheerful giver too. He once gave me a little wood stand with a standing mirror and an etched poem on the front with Roses. (I can't photograph it for you because of the glare) I'd like to share with you the poem.

WHAT MOM TOOK

"Most often when we think of Mom, We think of what she's given; The softness of a loving touch, A gentle guide for living; A nightly tip-toe in a room, An understanding look; But sometimes when I think of Mom I think of what she took.

She took a child and taught it how To live this life with pride She took those kindergarten tears, And kept them all inside. She took the hands that longed to hold Her child and not let go. Used them to push her child along The way, to thrive and grow. Took time to do some other things Like sew, and clean and cook, And never thought to ask for thanks For all the things she took. Thanks, Mom."

This is just one of the many gifts Jake gave me. He never forgot my birthday, Christmas or Mother's Day and he usually also remembered me on Easter with a plant. He never had much to spend but he took time in choosing his gifts and his cards; well I have some funny memories I'll share with you one day soon regarding Jake's method of choosing cards. I've always kept this little mirrored poem in my living room on a shelf which I keep solely for the gifts from my kids and I'd catch Jake reading this from time to time and getting a huge smile on his face when he finished. I treasure this gift and there is no amount of money that could make me give it up. I am grateful for every gift Jake ever gave me, but the gift I'm most grateful for is the Gift from God for giving Jake to us for 40 years.

So I must always try to remember and celebrate January 3 with Praise and Thanksgiving, not grief and sadness. For the past two or three years, Jake went to the woods with Mike (hubby) and I would send a plate of cupcakes or a small cake with them and they'd celebrate together or with whoever might be hunting that particular time. That was the special thing Mike did to celebrate Jake's birthday and they both enjoyed that.

So Jakey my boy, I miss you more than words can say and I long to hold you in a big hug and kiss your sweet cheek and hear you say, "I love you Momma" and smile that sweet big ole lopsided smile of yours. Your sisters and your brother long for you and miss you terribly. We live in such a paradox with broken hearts and also with hearts of Thanksgiving that you did not live to suffer each day of your life with a broken body and a heart of pain. But reality smacks us in the face and we know we have you in our hearts forever and one day we will all be together for eternity so we'll just say.............Happy Birthday Jake, we love you and miss you and hope your special day is awesome.

Memoriam published in The Shreveport Times 1/3/2011

All our love forever, Your family: Momma and Mike, Dad and Jill, devoted brother Buddy and Jess, "big sis"Lori and Marcus, your "little sis, Shari and Wes. Andy, Erika, Joe, Emily and Michael. Malcolm, Addison and Bella. Kane, Nayda, Ellie and Luke. Celebrating your birthday today will be your Home Depot Family and a host of friends and your precious family at North Shreve Baptist Church. Smile on us Jake and ask the Lord our God to grant us Peace as we go about our lives remembering the love you gave to all you met. Thank You Jake for the gifts you gave to us.

Read more of Jake's Birthday Here

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

My First Christmas in Heaven


I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.



I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.



I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,

But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me dear ones, You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.



I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.



Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,

For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,

Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year!
(sourced from internet)

Merry Christmas Jake, We love and miss you

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WITH JAKE

Yep Jake was a typical "man shopper". Like two days before Christmas and uh........ when I asked him if he had done any shopping he'd look at me increduously and ask "aren't the stores open tomorrow night"?

The presents just weren't the priority. Jake loved Christmas, the visiting, the church music presentations, eating and eating and eating some more. And he loved getting together with all his family.

Jake was fun to buy for. He collected Nascar, Tony Stewart items and was a huge NO Saints fan so he was so easy to please. He never asked for anything so therefore anything you bought him tickled him to pieces. He was slim and very easy to fit and the clothing you bought for him looked great on him. Jake was just a pleasure. Plain and simple.

This year our family did little special things in Jake's memory and I know he is pleased and would be so happy to know he is still able to make people happy.

He always felt badly when he wasn't able to get the family gifts he wanted to give to all of us. He always bought a nice assorted box of Christmas Cards and everyone he loved between numbers 1 and 25 got a card!


Jake's Christmas Tree he decorated at his house in 2008

Years ago he began giving me a box of chocolate covered cherries as that was something my momma always put in my stocking so that was a special little "you can count on" surprise. Then several years Home Depot would mark down some of the poinsettias that were a little banged up and Jake would love them back to beauty and surprise me with a beautiful plant.

Last year our family decided to draw names for Christmas 2010 and Jake drew mine. I know without a doubt that God will let Jake surprise me this year. Maybe in the form of a special dream or a wonderful unexpected memory. I don't know how it will be but I am counting on it.

Christmas at Momma and Mike's 2008

A JOYFUL NOISE

Why is singing praises most always referred to as a "joyful noise"? In my case it certainly is because I can't carry a tune in a bucket and my late husband used to tell me in church when I'd begin to sing to "just pantomine". But in Jake's case it was very different. And when Jake sang, he smiled. He looked as if he was about to break out in a big belly laugh, he got such a kick out of singing.

Yep our guy could sing. I mean really! He had an awesome voice. Not only could he sing but he could play the wash board or as we in Louisiana call it The Scrub Board. But his sweet voice; lots of soul. Volumn. Big pipes. He could sing a soulful song like Al Green. A soft bluesy rendition of Charlie Rich so close to him you had to wonder which came first. He did a fairly decent Elvis. But where he excelled was his gospel singing. He truly lit up when singing to the Lord.

I just am convinced that Jake is so busy in Heaven today that he has no time to fret over anyone of us fretting over him. He has his flower beds to design and tend and all the children there (who await their own parents) to parent and play with and all the greats in music who are there singing and playing music none like we've ever heard.

I believe he is in awe over the piano music of Anthony Berger who left us four years ago to join Jesus and all the angels and saints in heaven. It is said he died immediately after playing "We Shall Behold Him". And he must have in the next second beheld Jesus, arms wide open.

I believe the second after Jake drew his last breath he beheld Jesus, arms wide open also.

Sing it Jake. Play it Anthony. Awesome.



Anthony Burger, 44, stricken, dies during performance
Pianist was part of the Gaither Homecoming cruise when he suffers fatal heart attack

FRANKLIN, Tenn. — Memorial services were held March 1 for renown pianist Anthony Burger who died Feb. 22, while performing during a Gaither Homecoming concert aboard a Caribbean cruise liner. He was 44.

According to published reports, Burger was performing with the Gaither Vocal Band aboard the ms Zuiderdam, when he collapsed at the piano. Attempts to revive him backstage failed. The ship, on an Inspiration Cruise, left port from Miami with more than 1,500 passengers. An autopsy revealed his heart had burst. He had no known heart trouble prior to the attack that killed him.

Early reports originally indicated that Burger was playing “We Shall Behold Him” when he was stricken. But Ben Speer, who was on the cruise, said in a note posted on Mark Lowry’s Web site, that Burger had finished that song when, several numbers later, someone in the audience noticed Burger was doubled over.

Burger, an accomplished pianist whose career included solo work, first began in the industry at age 16 as a member of The Kingsmen quartet. He joined the Gaither band a decade ago, performing more than 250 times a year. He also performed at the White House and for numerous Billy Graham crusades. Burger’s audiences included President George W. Bush, and his predecessors, Carter and Regan.

Another "WOW" Time With Jake

You all understand the first year after losing a loved one is a year filled with "anniversaries" and special times spent with that person and when the event falls around for the first time after, you relive that time minute by minute remembering everything said and felt.

Such is the case now as The Louisiana State Fair begins for 2010. Nothing magical about the occasion a year ago, but looking back a year. WOW. Buddy and Jessica were due to move to Mobile the following day and the four of us; them and Jake and I went to the state fair and rodeo. OK it was fun then. But little did any of us know it would be the last time we would go to a fair with Jake. It now seems precious. Magical. Surreal. Monumental.





I can taste the ice cream bar Jake is happily devouring.

I can feel the pride Jake felt as he showed us the bed of Mums he designed and planted as the Horticulturist for The City of Bossier City for a display at the fairgrounds.

I can hear the laughter of the children and see Jake's smiles at the fun they were having.

I can hear Jake's laughter.

I can feel his hugs.

I can feel our silliness as he modeled the huge crochet hat I had made and while crocheting the thing (which was supposed to be a slouch hat) lost count of my stitches which made it big enough to fit a toilet seat!

I can hear all his "Wow's" as he thrillingly watched the bull riders.

I can remember all the times he checked his texts to see if a new girlfriend had texted him.

I recall the "far enchanted" looks on his face when we knew he was thinking about the first kiss he had recently shared with her. A big WOW!






And on the flip side, I can again as a hopefully "normal" reaction feel all the "I wishes" such as;

wish I'd hugged him more

wish I'd laughed with him more

wish this and wish that.





But it is what it is. We go about our lives each and every day not thinking it might be the last of such that we will ever get to do with that one we love.

We say we will cherish each day and live it as though it were our last. But do we do that always?

No. We forget. We begin to be "normal" again and we take for granted. We're human.
We can't ever get a "do-over" here on earth but when we know we know we are a Child of the King, we know we will have an eternal do-over. And that is what keeps us going.





My lesson from today's little rememberance.

Live each day satisfied. Not always wanting more ice cream, another cotton candy, more money to ride. Enjoy your ice cream with sprinkles, enjoy the fun of others and above all else

... Stop long enough to smell the Mums!



Jake sure did!

IT'S ALL ABOUT HAPPINESS, SMILES AND GRINS

I feel a little today like writing a letter to you Jake because I'm missing you so much. Missing hugging you. Holding your hand. Hearing you laugh. Watching you eat. A person could not stay down when you were around because you had the ability to just make them feel good by being in your presence. But I'm not gonna write you a letter.

However I am going to share a feeling. The feeling is Happiness. That's what you were all about Jake.

Happiness, Gratitude, Joy, Laughing, Grinning, Smiling and Feeling Good!

Oh don't get me wrong. I believe with all my heart and soul that there is no greater hurt, no greater pain or heartache than that of a mother who has lost her child. I don't think I will ever in my lifetime know pain like the pain I feel of losing you. I don't mean "losing" you because you are alive in Heaven and I haven't lost you from my heart, but just from knowing you "died". It is a horrific and unnatural deep down wrenching hurt.

I could write and write, hire novelists, poets and experts to write on the subject and all the elloquence and powerful adjectives could still not express the pain in a momma's heart when one of her children dies. A baby she gave birth to and no matter how old they are or how they died there are not adequate words to express the feeling. So why do it. I could try but what is the use. Nothing will change and telling someone how much my heart hurts will not make it hurt less ................. but I think I have found the answer!

Truly I do. I will instead write about all the wonderful things that made up Jake Wendling!

Jake Wendling was an awesome individual. He was someone everyone would have liked being friends with.

I will let people know how kind you were. The values you had. How you made other people feel good about themselves. How it felt when you smiled at me and said "I Love You, Momma". How generous you were with your time, your efforts. How funny you were. Your wit. Your compassionate nature. Your gentleness. Your strength.

Your passion for the N.O.Saints and for Tony Stewart and Nascar. How proud you were to work for an amazing company.

How much you loved our Lord. The relationship you shared with Jesus.

The fact you had an awesome voice. And you could dance like Michael Jackson.

How tickled you were fishing and hunting with your brother.

How you loved studying scripture with your little sister.

How much you looked up to your big sister.

How you loved your Dad. How much fun you had babysitting your baby nephew Luke who called you "Umpah Jake". The unique relationship you had with your step-dad Mike. How very respectful you were to your step-mom Jill.

About all the many, many friends you had. What a green thumb you had. How you loved a pretty lady. All the ladies. And how much you wanted to be a daddy. How proud you were when you bought your home, your new truck.

Skinning your first deer. Loving your little Bston Terrior Bugsy. How you loved family time. Holidays. How you loved dressing up for church. How much you loved to eat. The kind of music you liked. The fact that you could play the cajun scrub board. And had played with some famous people. How easy going you were. How I probably only heard you raise your voice maybe four times in your forty years!

How proud you were when you got your teeth cleaned and whitened. The way you took pride in the city flower beds and being the Horticulturist for the city. Wow. How much you like wearning cologne and smelling nice. The funny way you could tell a joke.

How you couldn't remember what or when you last ate, but you could quote scripture and the statistics of football heroes or racing stats!

That you were a Sunday School Teacher. That you sang in the church choir. The Director of the Men of the Church.... Wow. How dedicated you were in scouts and that you were an Eagle Scout. How compassionate you were to the handicapable.

Ice cream and Cake.

Crawfish...Wow!

Oh boy Jake, I have barely touched the top of the barrel and there are ten times more things that I know you loved, liked, got a kick out of and stood for. So you see I will NEVER run out of happy things to write about. I'll never run out of lessons you taught us.

Fascinating things, simple things, funny things, serious things. But very very few sad things.

Actually the only really sad thing I can really write about is the second you chose to leave us. And then I would be sobbing while writing, but why do that when I have hundreds of things to write about that make me smile and feel good. You see Jake I think I have a job to let others know you in the chance that someone out there may be blessed or helped in some way by knowing what Jake was all about. And if I write only about your death I can't think of how anyone could actually be helped.

Also I know we're told there is never, never any hint of sadness in Heaven, but just on the very slim chance that you can see me being so sad, I believe you might just be a little sad yourself and I don't want to take that chance, Jake. I want you to look down at your momma and see me trusting Jesus and feeling your sweet spirit around me and know without a doubt that you're having the grandest time of your life and that the sheer joy is incomprehensible to understand and for that reason alone I want you to see me SMILE.

I want to know my sweet boy that Jesus has called you over to stand by his side and that He has his arm around you pointing down here and you are grinning and saying to Him,"WOW".

LUCK...OR FATE

Death is just so natural.

When we are born, no one knows if we will be rich or poor, where we will end up living our lives and what occupation we'll follow. What we all do know for certain is that one day we will die.

Jake was a guy who seemed to live his life as that of the proverbial cat with nine lives. From the get-go this little guy faces his difficulties.

At the age of 5 weeks old, Jake was admitted to the hospital with a dual diagnosis. He was failing to thrive which meant he was malnourshed. He was the only one of my four children who was breast fed and he did seem satisfied when he nursed, but he was soon unsatisfied, never crying loudly but rather mewing and wimpering and he also had a hernia. So he stayed there a couple of weeks, with IV feedings and hernia repair surgery. Would he pull through? We were cautious as back in 1970 not as much was known and a tiny baby being put to sleep through anesthesia was risky. He weighed less than 6 pounds while sick. He survived and he thrived.

From birth he caused much concern for our pediatrician who felt his head was enlarged suggesting water on his brain, and he had to be measured weekly for several months and endured MRI's and Scans to determine the cause of his too large head but not being able to pinpoint the cause, we were told that he would likely just grow into his head size. He did, but always had a head a little larger than most and as an adolescent and adult good naturedly accepted more than a fair share of teasing and being sometimes made fun of. Some people would not have been able to withstand these feelings but he shrugged them off and smiled and never let himself get into a pity party. He overcame.

At about age 5 he nearly drowned. My fault and another guilt I have wrestled with until I learned to let go of the guilt and could understand that God would carry that for me. My sister-in-law and I had gone to the Elks Club swimming pool with all our children which numbered probably seven or so and of course in that day I drank as did she and we were sitting beside the pool enjoying a bloody mary and depending on the larger kids to watch the smaller ones when the comotion broke out when my lifeless baby was pulled from the pool and given CPR by the lifeguards. He was taken to the hospital and was fine but another example of him making it through what seemed an inevitable early death.

No more than a year passed when he tried to move an open bucket of paint only to stumble and overturn the entire gallon all over himself. Cobalt Blue enamel! His little head had to be shaved and he had the enamel paint in his ears, eyes, nose and mouth. He again was taken to the hospital and the paint was cleaned off and out but in thinking about it now, I can certainly see how it could have ended very differently.

Jake came to live with us in northern California when he was 19 years old. My then husband and I were caretakers of a privately owned duck hunting club and he wanted to see California and wanted another chance to live with his mama. He began to make friends and most of them were into smoking weed and doing other drugs and using alcohol. An event occurred during a fourth of July gathering of family and friends and he obviously was under the influence of "something" because he became beligerent towards his step-father and he was hit by my husband also under the influence of alcohol and fell to the concrete below. He suffered a close head injury and was operated on for the damage caused by the blow and it was discovered at that time that he had a congenital Dandy Walker Cyst, the culprit from which his head grew faster as a baby. We had never been aware of this cyst. More guilt. Shame. Regret. Jake was implanted with shunts from the brain stem which naturally kept the fluids drained and he had a long recovery. We were told that he might well have no more than ten years of survival. He lived twenty more! He did more than recover. He became everyone's champion and hero. Shortly after his initial recovery he went back to Louisiana and lived with his Daddy. Both of them came to know Christ during this recovery period from his brain surgery. Jake was a different person. A new man.

Probably 15 years later, Jake was with friends from Home Depot and at a place he shouldn't have been just for the plain fact that it was a spot where trouble was likely. He was playing pool and a scuffle broke out and he ended up being badly beat with a pool stick. He had been visiting these friends in New Orleans and was rushed back home to seek medical attention and recovered totally. A near brush.

Jake's vision was never very good after his head surgery and his hand eye coordination poor. So as a result he was a pretty bad driver and scared the pants off of all of us thinking of his driving. Every single person in Jake's family uttered prayers for God to protect him and others when he was behind the wheel. About three years ago, Jake was going home after work and got drowsy driving the country roads and jerked in time to realize he was heading off the road and over corrected his truck and rolled in the ditch. The truck sustained minor damages as well as the driver. Whew!..a very close call for Jake.

These are only the occurances I am aware of. When your kids grow up and move away a parent never knows it all and Thank God, because our worry somewhat ceases when they're grown, but I'm sure there were more close calls.

The day he decided his life on earth was not in his command was the day he chose to end his life with a gun in his own hand. Something mercifully unknown to his family had been so dark and so hurtful that he could not survive.

Was Jake lucky? Or were the hairs on his precious head counted before he was born? So many questions, so many mysteries.

I choose to believe that Jake was spared so many times because it just was not "his time". I think God gave Jake the amount of mobility, of coordination and of vision to get the job done. The job he was created for. I think when God spoke to Jake he listened. You see Jake lived most of his adult life alone and when you're alone you seem to listen more. You have more quiet time. Jake became immersed in the Word. His prayer life was the life he loved. He sought God, he listened to him and he just delighted in telling us how much he loved Him. He would smile that big old toothy grin and his eyes would twinkle and he'd utter "Wow". And Jake would get that far away look in his eyes and just fall silent as if he could see something we could not or was hearing something we were not and he'd slowly shake his head and smile as if he just could not wait to go " Home ".

I'm sure there are many lessons here depending on who is reading and where you are in your life right now, but the lesson for me that exceeds all others is that I can always present my concerns to God and ask him for his protection but after that I can rest assured that He has it. I can let it go. He'll take care of things the way he has planned to all along. As I love to say "we know not what the future holds, but we know who holds the future". What a huge load that takes from us not having to feel in control.

Oh gosh my boy has taught me so very many lessons in the three months since he left us. And not just me.........his sisters, his brother, all of us are so blessed to have had Jake in our midst 40 years. A full ten more years than we thought we'd have him during that dark time when we didn't know if he'd recover from a head injury.

Jake at the Lousiana State Fair,2009.



My sponsor in recovery and her husband blessed me with a little book called "From Sunset To Dawn", and I'd like to share with you a beautiful poem, author unknown.

Say not the boy is dead, but rather say
He's but a little farther on the way,
Impatient sooner to behold the view___
At the next turning you may see it too.
Say he's a child again, early to bed,
On night's soft pillow fain to lay his head.
Say he is off to track the mountain stream,
And lingers by the side in boyish dream.
Say by immortal waters now at rest,
He clasps a thousand memories to his breast.
Say to his wondering quests wise angels, smiling,
Tell the true story of the world's beguiling.
Say on heroic task his soul is thrilling
Where noble dream hath noble deeds fulfilling.
Say that he feasts with comrades tried and true,
But in his heart the banquet waits for you.
Say in the Presence, at a gentle word
He shows his wound-marks to his wounded Lord,
Say never is he dead, but rather say,
He's but a little farther on the way.

AND A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD

I confess.............I have for the most part been guilty of being a "yeah, but" type person. And as Dr. Phil (whom I adore) says, "If you don't own it you can't correct it". A "yeah but" personality is so busy thinking of her/his response to "get" the lesson there is to be learned.

I really don't know God's purpose for my being here. There may be one and there may be many. But I do think I know one of Jake's purposes. I think he was sent to lead our family. The irony of this is that Jake was the youngest, the meekest and the one we all thought of as a follower, not a leader. Because he was quieter. I guess we were under the false impression that to lead you had to be boisterous, loud, demanding and assertive. He was none of those things.

I wonder now how many many times Jake's feelings were hurt by remarks made by me and by others in his family. Well intentioned you understand, but with our thinking we had the answer, we had the smarts, the right thing for Jake to do. To do it our way, to smile differently when having his picture made, to be more assertive, to stand up for himself, to branch out and try different things; different churches, see different people, manage his money differently and on and on and on. As if Jake didn't have the sense to make up his own mind. As if he couldn't make it without our constant input. Funny thing is...Jake had a 401K Plan at Home Depot. He owned his home. He had a long time of continuous employment with the same company. He was a champion of souls winning more souls to heaven that I probably can count. He never gave up on the Saints of New Orleans and never made an enemy and was the first to get to Paradise.



You'd just think that with all this interference and suggestions that Jake would once in awhile say "Yeah but........" But he rarely did. He looked us in the face nodding his head and would then say "right, right" and end with hugging you and saying "God Bless You".

Oh good gracious now that Jake is gone from us the scenes replay over and over all the times I wish I could have some "do overs", but I know I can't. Oh the arrogance of it all. I hate the feelings of grief, despair and sadness, but I will go on and as sad and ashamed as I may feel, I must grab these lessons of Jake's and learn from them and go forward being a better person. I'll try oh so hard to bite my tongue before saying "Yeah but" again.

I can learn from the smallest, least educated, meekest mildest person on earth. That is Humility and that is what my son Jake had. Some virtues of Jake's character were humility, kindness, selflessness, gratitude for being a child of God and his great desire for you to be his brother and sister in Christ.




Thank you baby for the many lessons. May you one day forgive my ignorance and know just how much I admired you and only wish I'd made it known to you while you were here. God willing, someday I might just have that opportunity!