Happy Birthday Jake

Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to Jakey...Happy Birthday to you...............and many more! These were the words I last sang to you Jake three years ago today as you and Mike prepared to go the the deer camp. How you loved going. For the past few years we didn't get together as a family to celebrate your birthday because you got to take a couple of days off to go hunting with Mike and I'd make or buy cupcakes for you to take with you and share with whoever was there at the time. Today is a different way of celebrating your birthday as you've been gone from us 2 1/2 years and on this your third birthday away. You would be 43 years old today and I sometimes wonder what you'd be doing and how your life would have changed but I stop myself from going there because for forty years we were blessed to have you in our lives and with people we love we always want more. To know how much I loved you and to stop and think just how much more Jesus loves you humbles me and I again receive another blessing in knowing you're with Him. But that doesn't stop our missing you. That will likely never end but one day all our family will be together again and we'll never know this feeling of loss. So today Jake I celebrate YOUR birthday. The day I gave birth to you and all the birthdays we had you with us. Happy Birthday Son and with so much love from your momma.

Our third Christmas

Merry Christmas Jake

December 26 and it is hard to believe that our third Christmas without you just passed. The first one was a blur and I though knowing you were with Jesus, Christmas was nonetheless not a happy or joyous day. Last year was perhaps a bit less sad but still not happy or joyous. There was a feeling of "what's the big deal".

But this year was different. This year I have Peace in my heart. We knew sweetness this year.

Many changes have led to this feeling. RoseMeredith was born just this very year on your birthday and as Buddy had practically given up on becoming a father this was just nothing short of a miracle. And of course all of us knew how very much you had wanted children and though bittersweet we still knew you would be over the moon happy. Personal heartaches and difficult times in the family occurred with misunderstandings and blessedly most of those got worked out because we are a forgiving and a loving family. Others will take some time but we are optimistic.  Also there were health scares. With Mike, Buddy, Lori, and Shari. By the grace of God everyone is fine today.


Though I and the others at different times can be brought to our knees in anguish and to tears at the mention of your name, we have come to the place of Acceptance. We Accept that you will not return to us on this earth. We Accept and look forward to the day we will all be together on the other side.

In the meantime, we all try to take a big part of  "Jake" with us in our daily lives. We love more, we forgive more, and we share more of what being a Child of God is today. In this way, we Remember and we know that you Jake are still very much with us. We all keep you close to our hearts and we feel that you watch over us and help guide.  We miss you no less Jake but we are beginning to be able to miss you with a smile now rather than tears.


Thanks be to God.

Fresh on my mind

Good Morning Jake...my sweet boy.

Oh my goodness just one month from tomorrow will make two years since you left this world heavenbound.  I was knocked off my feet when the news came that fateful afternoon on June 17, 2010 telling me that you had shot yourself.  How did it happen. That was the question in all our minds, but today Jake, the reason does not matter. We have done as you always lived. We trusted our Lord. We prayed and we realized we had more friends than we ever knew who cried with us, prayed with us and spoke so lovingly of you and what you had meant to them.

One day became two and before it the days turned into weeks and then into months and now we can say "years". I can let myself go back to that darkest of days I'll likely ever know and the freshness is there. I can go back to shock, grief, disbelief and every other adjective describing heartache but I've learned through this process that I can also choose not to.

I never wanted your sweet 40 years to be defined in that one terrible moment in which your life on earth ended. No Jake, you deserve so much more than that. Your life was an inspiration to all of us who knew and loved you. We all strive to be better people because of you.

There is never a day you are not in my thoughts and there has never been a moment you are not felt in my heart. I'm grateful that it will never be any different. The difference in today than almost two years ago is that I now feel your presence, your love with a smile. My heart smiles today. I'd not want you back here to suffer, to worry, to fear and feel the feelings we feel when you now feel nothing but grace, mercy, love and all the heavenly feelings God promises his children.

I know you see us and I know you guide us in our daily comings and goings. I feel more closely to you today in the garden. My thumb has changed from brown to green and I happily think you helped me with that.

Each time I look upon the face of our sweet RoseMeredith or stop to think of her and what her birth has done for our family...when I look at the sweet face of Lanna, I see you Jake. How you loved children and what a precious precious Uncle you would have been to these little girls. Umpa Jake. How you loved is the measure for how you're loved today Jake.

Until we meet again Jake for our joyous reunion please keep smiling down and gently touching our cheeks.

I love you baby.

Momma

Happy Birthday Jake

A birthday Gift Jake born on your birthday. Your niece Rose Meredith Wendling. So many ways we celebrate your life today Jake. You are so loved and missed.

Jake's second Christmas with Jesus

Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to you and yours!

Isn't this a Great picture?

I just ran across this picture taken of Jake a couple of years ago and I just love this image of him. His hair, his tan and he had some "meat" on his bones. He had a cute grin and just looked Happy. What more can I say. No words.

Jake's Favorite Time of Year

Springtime..........

Jake truly loved spring and watching life sprout from the ground from which he'd dug and planted tiny seeds and dirty withered bulbs. Though he'd have liked nothing more, he knew he could not eek out a good living from doing just flower bed work but was so happy after designing his customers' beds to go to the garden section from You know The Store and select the plants, plant the beds and then tend them throughout the growing season. He even went back afterwards and as the last petal fell to it's death, cleaned out the beds for winter. No matter what else was going on in Jake's life or how slim and meager his pickins were he simply made time for his flower beds. And I'm reminded of the way he had set up his telephone answering machine at home to record, "Hell0, this is Jake and I'm sorry I'm not in now as I'm probably in someone's bed...uh Flower Bed that is so please be patient and I'll call you when I get in...Thank You and God Bless You". It simply came easy to Jake because as the old saying goes "find a job you truly love and you'll never have to work a day in your life". You see Jake had found the secret...He took time to smell the flowers! Happy Springtime my sweet boy. I can't even imagine the wonderful smell of the Flowers you tend today!

Then he commanded, "Let the earth produce all kinds of plants, those that bear grain and those that bear fruit".....and it was done.So the earth produced all kinds of plants, and God was pleased with what he saw.GENESIS 1:11-12